Fame Isn't Everything

I was on my way to an appointment in Euclid when I noticed this little gem:

You are reading it correctly. It is the combined Polka and Softball Hall of Fame. I tried to go inside but they weren't open yet at 10:45 on a Monday. As it turns out, their hours of operation are limited and somewhat confusing. The two Halls of Fame, although sharing a building, have different hours and aren't even always open on the same days of the week. The hours posted on the door and the hours listed on their websites are also different. I'm pretty sure to figure it out you have to understand the phases of the moon and the Mayan calendar. The websites were also unclear about whether or not they charge admission.
Anyway, it occurred to me that the Cleveland area seems to have a Hall of Fame "thing". The well-known Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is in Cleveland proper, the Pro Football Hall of Fame is in nearby Canton, apparently Euclid is home to the National Polka Hall of Fame and the Cleveland Area Softball Hall of Fame and, oh yes, Akron is now the home of the National Inventors Hall of Fame.
If we widen our search to all of Ohio we find that our great state is also the location for the National Classical Music Hall Fame (Cincinnati) and the American Motorcycle Hall of Fame (Colombus).Why are we so obsessed with fame? I think I have it figured out. Our state is suffering from low self-esteem. We're like the middle child of the country. We get good grades, don't cause any trouble but never get any attention. I remember being frustrated when I went to college that many westerners didn't know much about Ohio or where it was. Many people frequently confused Ohio and Iowa. I always felt a little jealous of the Texans with their state pride and flags plastered all over their dorm rooms. Everyone knows where Texas is. Texas is like the good-looking rebellious child in America's family. They are big, rich and cause problems. I mean, hello, they tried to secede! Yet, they get all the love. As it turns out, Ohio is a pretty interesting place. In researching the Hall's of Fame I discovered that the Cleveland area really does have a rich musical history including having it's own style of Polka music (who knew there were different Polka styles?) and being crucial in the Rock and Roll movement of the 1950s. Apparently the very first Rock and Roll concert was right here in Cleveland. Oh, and NFL was founded in Ohio with the Canton Bulldogs being in the original league. Ohio is the birthplace of no less than eight presidents not to mention Thomas Edison, Wilbur and Orville Wright, Neil Armstrong and John Glenn. Doris Day, Clarke Gable, Hugh Downs and Steven Spielberg also hail from our little state. Ohio currently ranks 7th for total population and 9th for population per square mile. My point is, we deserve the fame, we just aren't getting it. So, I have put together a set of proposals to help boost our self-esteem and national image.
1. A makeover is always good to improve self-image. I recommend we start with our state flag. Let's be honest- it's a little weird and the shape makes it almost impossible to hang straight.
2. Maybe we could get some more stirring state songs. Our official state song started out as a love ballad and then they changed the words but the music still sounds like a love ballad. Our state rock song is cool- "Hang On Sloopy" but I'm not sure if it's sending the right message. Sloopy lives in a "bad part of town"- are we suggesting that Ohio has bad parts?
3. People who are cool never look like they are trying too hard. Maybe we need to back off of this Hall of Fame thing and start erecting buildings that don't sound so desperate like "The Place of Normalcy".
4. We all know that athletes are more popular than non-athletes. The Cleveland Cavs are pulling their weight, but could we do something about our football teams? Maybe we should rename the Browns. I don't know if I'd feel like blitzing if my mascot was a tiny elf either.
5. If all else fails, we should try to secede. We might make some enemies, but hey at least we'll get some attention.

P.S. For those of you you are geographically challenged and don't know where Ohio is, we're that blob close to the mitten state and just below Canada.
P.P.S. I realize I sound like the father on "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" and feel the need to educate non-Ohioans about Ohio. I am seeing a therapist to overcome my state insecurity issues.
P.P.P.S. Ironically, Grover Cleveland was NOT one of the presidents born in Ohio.