Future Felony

Our neighborhood has a snitch (not the Harry Potter kind). This is the only reason I can think of for the number of petty citations that get handed out on our street. We know neighbors who have been cited for "peeling paint on shutters" when the shutters looked just fine from the street and for "failing to bundle yard waste within the stated acceptable dimensions" when it wasn't even close to trash day yet and they had just recently cut down a tree.* There's also the fact that every single car that parks on our street overnight gets ticketed while I have talked to residents in other neighborhoods in South Euclid who aren't even aware that South Euclid has an ordinance stating you can't park on the street between 2 and 6 AM (there are no signs on the streets). Their relatives come to visit and park on the street overnight for weeks without any problems. Like I said, we have a snitch. So, I was not entirely surprised when Marc handed me a yellow citation envelope that he found on our front door. I opened it to find that we were being warned for "Failure to remove all storage of waste materials at all exterior property areas." This is code for: you need to take your garbage cans off the tree lawn. I admit that in my pregnant state I have not been diligent about carrying the cans back to the garage right after the truck comes- but come on it's not like they are there for a whole week or something. I thought the warning a little harsh and planned to make a big show of waddling out with all three boys in tow just as the garbage truck was driving away on the next trash day and laboriously dragging the cans back up the driveway to the garage for the benefit of our neighborhood watcher. This was before I realized that, in Minority Report fashion, this citation was from the future.
That's right- the warning was dated 8/4/11. Apparently I am going to leave my cans out in August. 8/4/11 is the day after trash day so I must be planning to leave them out overnight but the real kicker is that the demanded compliance date is 8/2/11 one day before trash day. So I guess this is my warning that I am subconsciously planning to be delinquent with my trash cans and if they are, in fact, left out on 8/4/11 I will be charged with this heinous crime. I am writing this information in my personal planner so that I won't forget. I actually like this style of crime fighting although I wonder where they are getting their information. Time machine? Future-seeing mystics? Dice-rolling monkeys? How many of my tax dollars are going to this program? Leave it to the city of South Euclid to use the world's greatest invention to uphold minor housing ordinances. Now, if only the police could send me an advance notice of when I'll be caught in a speed trap... that would be a beautiful thing.

* These warnings reminded me of the $100 fine we got after moving to Cleveland for our unsold house in Baltimore. While we were waiting for the real estate deal to close we had someone go over and trim up the yard a couple of times but apparently not often enough. We were fined for "dangerous shrubbery". At the time it wasn't funny, but now it makes me laugh and imagine some giant Venus fly trap luring in unsuspecting passers-by. Of course, that would actually be doing the city of Baltimore a service since our corner was frequented by drug dealers.