The David John Dialogues

We are thoroughly enjoying David John's 3-year-old-isms. Here are some of our recent favorites:

David John came with me to the side door when we heard a knock. We found a flyer asking us to support our local fire department.
D: Is that mail, Mommy?
Me: No, buddy. It's a flyer. Do you want it?
D: Yes. (thoughtful pause) Can I put it in my backpack to go to preschool?
Me: Sure,
D: Maybe I should not take it out of the house. If I take it out of the house and it flies away, it might not fly  back to our house.
Me: Oh. I see. I hate to tell you this, but it doesn't really fly. It's just a piece of paper.
D: (smiling at me as though I am teasing him) No! Mommy! It is not paper. It is a flyer.
He happily took it to school in his backpack and I can report that it did come back home.

At preschool, they are doing an ocean unit so there is a lot of talk in our house about fish and other ocean creatures. The boys have also been bringing home a lot of ocean-themed crafts.
D: Mom, we made an octopus at school today. Octopusses have lollipops so they can walk.
Me: You made an octopus at school with lollipops for its legs?
D: No! I did not make a octopus with lollipops. Octopusses just have lollipops ON their legs so they can walk.
Me: Hmmm.... I'm not sure what you mean.
D: Mom! They have lollipops on their legs!
Me: Oh! Do you mean suckers? They have suckers on their tentacles?
D: Yes! Suckers! Lollipops!
I then tried to explain that "lollipops" was not always a good synonym for "suckers" but I don't think he got the message. At least I figured out what he was talking about.

Marc decided to run out and pick up a prescription one evening while I got the boys ready for bed. Marc generally hates shopping and does not often go to the store unless I am with him.
Marc: Okay guys, I'm going to run to the store for a few minutes.
D: Mom, are you leaving to the store too?
Me: No, just Daddy is going.
D: What?!? Daddy is leaving to the store by himself?!?
Me: Yep. Daddy is going to the store all by himself.
D: That's impossible! If Daddy leaves to the store I will pee my pants!
(Other people almost peed their pants because they were laughing so hard.)

David John loves to check the mailbox for mail and help carry the envelopes and sales ads into the house. Sometimes he checks it multiple times a day which means he is frequently disappointed by an empty mailbox. Apparently, he thought something sinister was going on because when he checked it today and found it empty he exclaimed. "I guess somebody stole our mail AGAIN!"

David John kept turning off a show the other kids were watching at a play date. I sat him down on my lap to talk about his naughty behavior.
Me: I hear you are making choices that are making the other kids sad.
D: No, I am not making them sad. (wicked grin) I am making them angry.
My friend and I tried valiantly not to laugh but it was a while before I could talk to him again with straight face.

Oh, we love that kid.