Arms Race

My boys are giving me a run for my money. It seems they are always one step ahead of me. My dad compared this to rival countries- one developing bigger and better weaponry, the other developing counter measures to protect against said weaponry. I think the analogy is apt. I never know what is going to come out of the arsenal of Gabe and Elijah.
The serious naughtiness began on our trip to Baltimore and has continued for a week and a half now. While in Baltimore, we invited ourselves to stay at the home of Finbar Foley- a good friend from medical school- who risked his home and sanity in allowing us to stay there. He was away in New York when we arrived but had arranged for us to get a key to the house. We let ourselves in and started unloading the van. We couldn't have been there for more than five minutes when Elijah located a bathroom, opened the door, opened the cupboard under the sink, found a can of Ajax and sprinkled it all over the upstairs carpet. I had to text Finn, who was getting ready to sing in a concert, to ask him where the vacuum cleaner was. Meanwhile, Gabe had emptied a shelf of medical texts and other books and was happily perusing a Guide to Embryology amidst a large stack of books he had relocated to one of the guest beds.
While staying at Finn's house they also opened a package of crackers and crumbled them all over the bedroom, took all of the mats off the stairs, removed a piece of trim, put fingerprints on every reachable glass surface and tried to break Finn's Wii.
The fun continued after returning home. Gabriel awoke from his nap one day suddenly able to open and/or remove all of the child-proof doorknob covers. While I was using the bathroom downstairs, Gabe and Elijah raided the upstairs bathroom and threw literally everything into the bathtub. They emptied drawers, cleaned off the sink and threw in the toilet paper rolls not to mention the toilet plunger. I tried to put them in time out, but of course they could now leave the room at will. I sat in a chair in front of the door, but the door opens into the room so I ended up playing goalie which they thought was hilarious.
Marc had a really hard time keeping them in bed that night while I was at rehearsal. I returned home to find a web of yarn tying their bedroom doorknob to several other doors and a light fixture. Apparently, this was the fourth attempt at tying them in.
Thankfully, our friend Jim Messegee came over on Saturday and helped us install hook and eyes on every door in the house using the patented (or at least it should be) Jim Messegee friction locking system so that the boys can't just climb on a chair and pop the hook out. I thought our troubles were over but they still had tricks up their sleeves. In retribution for locking them in their room at night, they decided to pull their sliding closet doors out of alignment (Marc was able to fix them- thank goodness) and then quite literally topped themselves by getting into the garage and climbing all the way to the top of the minivan. We had eaten lunch outside and I went inside to put the dishes in the sink. When I returned, they were both jumping up and down on top of the luggage rack saying "Mommy- I on car!"
Presently, I am sitting on our porch typing this while the masters of mayhem are chucking various outdoor toys over the fence and attempting to climb over the fence to get them. The scary thing is, they can almost do it. I'm going to have to speak with my research and development team and get them working on a counter measure for the Fence Climber 2010.

Back in B-more

Last weekend, I made a pilgrimage back to Baltimore in order to attend my brother's graduation from MICA (Maryland Institute College of Art). My parents graciously agreed to drive me and my three rowdy boys there in their van. I think they may have regretted that decision during the two hours of screaming that occurred on the six hour drive.
The trip was very nostalgic for me- a part of me missed the sights and sounds of Baltimore but another part of me was very grateful not to be living in such an "exciting" place. It had been far too long since I had seen my friends, been able to use sign-language and enjoyed the unique architecture of Baltimore but not long enough since I smelled weed, had to parallel park, or worried about the possibility of being attacked by cat-sized rats at night.
Anyway, I really did enjoy my time there despite the stress of traveling with children (see other post). I got to see the commencement exhibition at MICA which features artwork of the 2010 graduates. The show was wonderful. One of my brother's paintings can be seen here. Gabe and Elijah were very interested in some of the statues in the gallery of the classical style. Gabe was convinced that most of the statues depicted Angel Moroni while Elijah would exclaim in worried tones about the statues being "broken".
Commencement itself was a lengthy ordeal, but far more entertaining than Medical School graduation. I am pleased to say that Matt graduated magna cum laude. He chose not to wear a cap and gown- but hey, this is art school, people do what they want. At first I was concerned that he would stick out in jeans and a button down shirt, but that was before I spotted the graduate in star-spangled spandex with a light-up cape or the one wearing a full Native American headdress. Some graduates had written interesting middle names on their name cards so that they were announced as Mary "boogie-down" Smith or Joe "is awesome" Doe. A few people did dance steps across the stage complete with jazz hands and one guy performed an admirable robot.
I was so happy that I could be there to cheer my brother on. We miss having him around and the boys certainly miss Uncle Matt's hi-jinks. We ended the trip by going to the best low-cost Chinese buffet I have ever been to. If you are ever in the Baltimore area and want to eat a lot of tasty food check out the Hibachi Grill.
Our trip was short- but I think I'd like to go back again sometime. I guess there will always be some part of me that sings "I Love You Baltimore".

Random Recent Favorite Pictures

In no particular order, here are some of my recent favorites of my little people.

Things that make you say "Aww"

Diapers and cowboy boots- embrace your Arkansas heritage

The dishwasher is like a heated massage for David John

Popcorn addict- definitely Marc's son

Things one and two

Two little monkeys reading on the couch

Fame Isn't Everything

I was on my way to an appointment in Euclid when I noticed this little gem:

You are reading it correctly. It is the combined Polka and Softball Hall of Fame. I tried to go inside but they weren't open yet at 10:45 on a Monday. As it turns out, their hours of operation are limited and somewhat confusing. The two Halls of Fame, although sharing a building, have different hours and aren't even always open on the same days of the week. The hours posted on the door and the hours listed on their websites are also different. I'm pretty sure to figure it out you have to understand the phases of the moon and the Mayan calendar. The websites were also unclear about whether or not they charge admission.
Anyway, it occurred to me that the Cleveland area seems to have a Hall of Fame "thing". The well-known Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is in Cleveland proper, the Pro Football Hall of Fame is in nearby Canton, apparently Euclid is home to the National Polka Hall of Fame and the Cleveland Area Softball Hall of Fame and, oh yes, Akron is now the home of the National Inventors Hall of Fame.
If we widen our search to all of Ohio we find that our great state is also the location for the National Classical Music Hall Fame (Cincinnati) and the American Motorcycle Hall of Fame (Colombus).Why are we so obsessed with fame? I think I have it figured out. Our state is suffering from low self-esteem. We're like the middle child of the country. We get good grades, don't cause any trouble but never get any attention. I remember being frustrated when I went to college that many westerners didn't know much about Ohio or where it was. Many people frequently confused Ohio and Iowa. I always felt a little jealous of the Texans with their state pride and flags plastered all over their dorm rooms. Everyone knows where Texas is. Texas is like the good-looking rebellious child in America's family. They are big, rich and cause problems. I mean, hello, they tried to secede! Yet, they get all the love. As it turns out, Ohio is a pretty interesting place. In researching the Hall's of Fame I discovered that the Cleveland area really does have a rich musical history including having it's own style of Polka music (who knew there were different Polka styles?) and being crucial in the Rock and Roll movement of the 1950s. Apparently the very first Rock and Roll concert was right here in Cleveland. Oh, and NFL was founded in Ohio with the Canton Bulldogs being in the original league. Ohio is the birthplace of no less than eight presidents not to mention Thomas Edison, Wilbur and Orville Wright, Neil Armstrong and John Glenn. Doris Day, Clarke Gable, Hugh Downs and Steven Spielberg also hail from our little state. Ohio currently ranks 7th for total population and 9th for population per square mile. My point is, we deserve the fame, we just aren't getting it. So, I have put together a set of proposals to help boost our self-esteem and national image.
1. A makeover is always good to improve self-image. I recommend we start with our state flag. Let's be honest- it's a little weird and the shape makes it almost impossible to hang straight.
2. Maybe we could get some more stirring state songs. Our official state song started out as a love ballad and then they changed the words but the music still sounds like a love ballad. Our state rock song is cool- "Hang On Sloopy" but I'm not sure if it's sending the right message. Sloopy lives in a "bad part of town"- are we suggesting that Ohio has bad parts?
3. People who are cool never look like they are trying too hard. Maybe we need to back off of this Hall of Fame thing and start erecting buildings that don't sound so desperate like "The Place of Normalcy".
4. We all know that athletes are more popular than non-athletes. The Cleveland Cavs are pulling their weight, but could we do something about our football teams? Maybe we should rename the Browns. I don't know if I'd feel like blitzing if my mascot was a tiny elf either.
5. If all else fails, we should try to secede. We might make some enemies, but hey at least we'll get some attention.

P.S. For those of you you are geographically challenged and don't know where Ohio is, we're that blob close to the mitten state and just below Canada.
P.P.S. I realize I sound like the father on "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" and feel the need to educate non-Ohioans about Ohio. I am seeing a therapist to overcome my state insecurity issues.
P.P.P.S. Ironically, Grover Cleveland was NOT one of the presidents born in Ohio.