Poison Control? Can You Hear Me?

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My boys have been eating Vaseline again. The latest escapade happened on Wednesday. Maybe this Vaseline habit is a form of pica and they ingest petroleum jelly whenever their bodies need a lube job.
I discovered their dastardly deed while I was talking to my brother on the phone. Upon realizing that I had heard no noise from the twins for more than 60 seconds, I rushed upstairs to find that, once again, they had outsmarted my attempts at toddler-proofing. Due to some Vaseline-eating incidents the previous week, I was now keeping it on a high shelf near David John's crib. Gabe and Elijah had climbed up into the crib and were able to reach the Vaseline on the shelf. Having already made a pile of individually separated wet wipes and emptied David John's dirty diapers on the floor they were now alternately licking Vaseline off of their fingers and smearing it on the walls, furniture, etc. I probably said a reactive word like "shoot" (let's give myself the benefit of the doubt here people) and Joe asked me what was wrong. I described the scene and he asked "Shouldn't you call poison control?"
I have nothing against poison control. I'm sure they are very useful in real emergencies. However, I suspect that the vast majority of products that say "if ingested, call poison control" are overreacting. In fact, I remember seeing this warning on a container of NaCl in the genetics lab I used to work in. For those not up on their chemistry- that's table salt.
Anyway, long ago in a far away land when my children were newly toddlers I did call poison control anytime my kids ate something that said "if ingested, call poison control." The call center employees probably know my phone number. They were always very polite on the phone but I'm sure they were just holding their laughter until I hung up. It turns out that petroleum jelly, lotion, diaper rash cream and baby oil all have to be eaten in large quantities to have any ill effects. Poison control always wanted know how my children came to be eating a non-food substance. I'm sure they thought I was careless and left open containers on the floor complete with plastic spoons for fast consumption. What they, and indeed many individuals are not aware of is the fact that toddlers, like ants, are capable of lifting objects 100 times their weight. At our previous house, I kept potentially dangerous products in a closed container on a window ledge set high in the wall. Gabriel and Elijah moved a heavy box of games, stacked a chair on top of it and moved the couch so that they could climb from the couch to the chair to the ledge. They figured out that if they dropped the container from such a height, it might burst open upon contact with the floor and give them the opportunity to sample many wonderful inedibles.
You might wonder where I was when all of this mayhem was occuring. If you are a mother you already know the answer- all bad things happen when you are in the bathroom or on the phone. Maybe I was talking to poison control.

*The photo shows my boys imitating the "Mr. Yuk" face. The funny thing is that whenever I have found my boys eating something "poisonous" they usually have a maniacal happy expression. The faces in the photos are more likely to be seen during a meal- you know, with edible items like potatoes. My Mr. Yuk icon was borrowed from the following website: http://www.asmalldoseof.org/historyoftox/1970-2006/Mr.YUK2.jpg