Therapy by Mail

I get a lot of misdirected mail at my house. I mean a lot. This kind of concerns me. I wonder if there are pieces of my mail floating around the neighborhood in other people's mailboxes. I guess this could be a good thing- maybe they don't read carefully and will pay my bills. On the other hand, they may be receiving that letter stating that I have won a million dollars, in which case, I'd like it delivered to my house, please.
At first, the misplaced mail was innocent enough: a stray circular here, an occasional bill or a customer survey. However, the last several months I have only been receiving misdirected magazines and catalogs. Sometimes they are addressed to my house number but on any number of different streets, sometimes they are addressed to our street but one number off, and sometimes it seems that they have arrived at my house completely at random sharing neither my house number nor my street name. How, I wondered to myself, could the South Euclid post office be so completely inept? Were they hiring blind persons to sort the mail, because it is not brailled, nor are the addresses in large print. Do they have an inadequate number of sorting bins so that, when postal employees run out of places to put mail they just match it with the closest address already utilizing a bin? I just could not think of a logical scenario which would produce so much wayward mail.
Then, I remembered that the post office is, in fact, a government organization. I started thinking along the lines of conspiracy theory. Maybe, this misguided mail was no accident. I began noticing patterns. My lawn was in desperate need of mowing. The dandelions were threatening to take over- when lo, and behold, what should arrive in my mailbox? A seemingly innocent copy of Better Homes and Gardens that belonged three houses down. The cover? A pristine yard.
My mail carrier has decided that I need some direction and that she is the person to give it to me.
She has delivered copies of Newsweek, these seem to come on weeks when I am feeling especially unintellectual and disconnected from the world- how does she know? I have received a copy of Woman's Day whose cover features indicated I needed to improve the menu in my house and decorate for the new season. Has she been talking to Marc? Health magazines, movie magazines, book catalogs, and jewelry order forms have all made their way to my house with very suspicious timing.
This week, I have not been dressing especially nice due largely to the fact that my clothes are slowly refusing to fit correctly. As a result, I even went walking with the boys, in, I am ashamed to admit it, sweat pants. So yesterday I got The Week in my mailbox featuring a large elephant on the cover, and today I found waiting for me an L.L. Bean women's catalog with a large caption "chase away the chill with our Fitness Fleece". Apparently, our mail carrier appreciated neither the sweatpants nor the bump now evident on my middle.
There is still one magazine, however, whose purpose in my mailbox I have been unable to decipher. Last month, I got a copy of National Geographic (I was actually excited thinking maybe someone gave us a gift subscription, but no- just more therapy mail). It had something very similar to this picture on the cover:My question to you is- what does this mean? Any suggestions? Do I need to get a facial with "light tweezing"? Do I have wrinkle lines? Should I dye my hair red? I'm just not sure what my therapist is getting at and until I figure it out I am guessing that the barrage of magazines will continue finding their way to my door.
Oh- and to some residents over on Lawnway- I have your magazines. I will walk them over at my earliest convenience, as soon as my L.L. Bean fitness fleece arrives.... by mail.