Sometime I feel like a pro when it comes to being the mother of three under 3, and other times I feel like I need to go back to basic training. I often think about all of the crazy things that toddlers do (at least mine) that I just wasn't really prepared for. As a result, I've prepared this little quiz for those of you who are planning on having children, those who have a baby but haven't experienced toddlers yet, or for those empty-nesters to see if you've still got it. If you pass this written test, but would like some practical training I have three toddlers that I am prepared to let you babysit. Just let me know. :)
All test questions are based on actual events- some questions may have more than one correct answer. For answers, please see the comments section.
1. You are missing some sippy cups and bowls last used by your toddlers. You are most likely to find them
A. in the kitchen sink
B. on a shelf
C. in the dirty diaper pail after which they will need to be bleached and run through the dishwasher three times
2. You had a great day- mostly. You took the kids to the zoo and the library, but lost your temper in the afternoon when they wouldn't stop fighting for 45 minutes straight and refused to take a nap. You raised your voice, but then had a good evening and even let them watch a movie. When asked what they did today, your toddler will respond
A. I went to the zoo
B. I got a book at the library
C. Mommy yelled at me
D. I watched a movie
3. Your toddler may wake you up in the middle of the night because
A. he developed a sudden and urgent fear that a light bulb in his room could burn out at any moment and leave him in the dark
B. one of his stuffed animals is not properly tucked in
C. he needs a hug
D. he decided this would be a prime moment to have a dirty diaper
E. he's sad
F. he wants to know if it is too early to get up
4. You take your toddler to a religious service at a historic building. You toddler spends his time
A. whispering questions in your ear the entire time
B. sitting quietly on the bench and attending to the speaker
C. cramming the crayons you brought to keep him busy in between the historic floorboards which are wide enough to allow crayons to enter but not to fish them out
D. dropping the books you brought him to read so that the bang sound echoes repeatedly in the acoustically amazing building
5. Your toddler will find the following things amusing
A. knock-knock jokes
B. bodily function sounds
C. locking himself in his room so that you have to use your skills from your former career as a thief to get him out
6. If you need to use the bathroom while watching a toddler you should
A. put up gates up in every stairway
B. lock all of the doors
C. tip chairs and other climbable objects over (unless your toddler has already mastered righting chairs, or climbing on tipped chairs)
D. secure all valuable and dangerous objects
7. If you fail to take appropriate precautionary measures, when you exit the bathroom you may find that your toddler has
A. climbed on the counter and taken all of the knives out of the knife block
B. emptied drawers of their contents
C. played independently without making a mess
D. used your cell phone to make a number of calls- you'll be getting "return" calls all day from numbers you don't remember dialing
8. You say a lot of things to your toddler during the day. He is most likely to repeat
A. Dang it!
B. I sure love you.
C. High fives for you!
D. You're making me crazy!
9. Toddlers seem to have a behavioral code all their own. Which of the following activities, which are not accepted by society as a whole, might be labeled by a toddler as "acceptable"?
A. attempting to shut a brother or playmate in the closet
B. painting the walls with a non-paint substance such as lotion, peanut butter or lipstick
C. tearing up books and shoving the pieces of paper into the heating vent
D. dangerous couch acrobatics
E. talking about controversial politics
10. You will love your toddler because
A. despite all the naughtiness (or maybe because of it) he makes you laugh until your sides hurt
B. he does go to sleep sometimes and then he is the most adorable, angelic little person you have ever seen
C. he loves you unconditionally (except when he's in time-out)
D. you can't help it, there is just something about those little hands, little face and winning smile
E. there is nothing like a toddler hug
So- how did you do?
9-10 correct = Toddler Tough
7-8 correct = Wee-one Wily
5-6 correct = You'll Survive
3-4 correct = Need a Nanny
1-2 correct = You Want to Go Home and Rethink Your Life (at least about having kids)
*Bonus Question in honor of our recent babysitter*
You give a toddler a glass milk. He asks for a refill. You should
A. tell him you'll give him 1/2 glass more but that's all
B. tell him to ask his parents when they get home
C. believe him when he says that mom and dad let him have as much as he wants right before bedtime and give him 5 refills causing him to flood his room overnight
